Thursday, December 30, 2004
Big huge project at work, just coming to a head. We are moving people Jan 7. I already moved into my office in a different building. No one else is on the floor yet, so it is very quiet and peaceful. Allowing me to scream and yell, pull hair and cry, trying to work these logistics.
Sara, Karolyn and I were at Tlaquepaque for Taco Tuesday, drinking and eating and talking, and I think the ladies came up with my new years resolution. I work too much. We all work too much. Life is not about work. If it is all work, then you suck and will die.
We live 45 minute from San Francisco. There are plays, museums, shows, restaurants, that we have not been to. There are so many other things to do. Lately my ONLY form of relaxation has been hot tub or motorcycling.
Next year, we are GOING to go do things. More cultural events. More movies, More plays, more Shows, more museums. MORE LIFE! My new years resolution (thanks ladies) is to LIVE a life. Not just work work work
Everyone asks what am doin for new years. Not much. Matt is planning a flat track race in his back yard new years day. yep, that's my plan. And maybe if it stops raining, try to ride the BSA sidecar some.
I'll attempt to get back on track, and get more writing done.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Today we slept late, then rode the sidecar to the new pancake joint by our house. SARA drove us home, it was grand. She is learning sidecar drivin!
Other than that, not much, planning a calm, restful day
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2. Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
5. A schmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
6. You need 10 men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.
9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
10. Never take a front row seat at a bris.
11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
13. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Boca Raton (or Lake Wirth).
14. WASPs leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.
15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
19. Before you read the menu, read the prices. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.
But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at four in the afternoon in Florida at the Early Bird Special.
Monday, December 20, 2004
EXCEPT, when I think of the amazing Ragin Rudolph parody of the Rankin Bass film
WARNING, NOT for the easily offended.
However, if you like goodfellas, gangster flicks, etc, this will cause you to laugh till you wee your pants.
great news from Dr. Scates, I went for my regular checkup this morning, and he says I am in great shape.
Fuck it. Celebrate Festivus.
The Airing of the Grievances is my favorite part.
"No tinsel? No problem."
Beth and I do not exchange gifts at xmas.
We think that it should be about presence, not presents.
We ENJOY each other's company and do not stress.
We get each other gifts during the year at any old time if
we happen to see something that FITS.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
we went to a holiday party for my pal Jeff Lim, who is way too skinny, but doing well after his bout with the cancer.
then went to Mona Lisa italian restaurant in north beach, for yummy dinner.
This morning rode up Mt. Hamilton on the XR650. then stopped at Rebecca's folks on the way down, made cookies. YAY!
on my way home, the chain on the XR broke, and wrapped itself around the countershaft sprocket. What does that mean? I am tooling along the highway at 70, hear a BANG, no power to rear wheel, slippery, oil, damn
the chain wadded up around the motor, and broke through part of the crankcase, dripping oil everywhere.
there were some friend shufflings, and Dale brought his truck with a carrier, and got me home.
cleaned it all off, the case is broken in 2 places, IF Alex at Fastline can weld it, I may be in luck, else, i need to completely rebuild the bottom end of the motor.
>.< goddamit! I am broke, this is the WRONG time for this to happen. I am very behind on bills, owe taxes on the house, owe mortgage note, truck note, insurance for truck, credit cards, GODDAMNIT...... etc,
the XR is gonna have to wait till I get some spare money. DAMN
anyhow, I am home, so that is good.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
so a few weekends back, my pal Dale & I got speeding tickets. And We never got a "courtesy notice" from the court telling us what to pay, where to go, etc.
Today, I called the court.
After my second round, 48 minutes on hold, thank
goodness for the speaker phone, the VERY nice lady
at Santa Clara Superior Court tells me that our
tickets have not reached their court.
And to phone them back on the 23rd, the day after the date written
on the ticket.
If we did NOT recieve a 'courtesy notice' it means the
ticket is not yet in their system
I feel uncomfortable about all this, but will call
back on the 22nd, and get back on speakerphone.
My one mistake? I did not ask her name. DAMNATION.
Okay, so that's what I know.
What do we do next?
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
It's a big, huge, nasty pain in the kiester. I wake up with nightmares, I fear if it goes wrong, I will be fired. The worst part is I am dependant on someone else. I have to wait for them, I have to work with them, and I have to 'trust' they will do the job right.
So far, their idea of doing the job 'right' has been to delegate the work to others and spew random buzz words: Lets understand this better. Let me Share with you, I need you to reconsider the overall good.
It has been pure misery, made me feel incompetent, ineffective, and bumbling.
In the past 2 weeks, we have approached a real solution. Mostly because another team wants to move into some of the space my group is in, and their VPs are a lot pushier than ours.
Today we had a meeting with the slow, ineffective people. OH, and our new VP came. My bosses boss. She don't take poop from anyone. She looks for results, and no excuses.
A) I like this
B) I am scared of this, because my success is dependant on the foot draggers.
Years ago, growing up in North East Texas, I learned to communicate by telling stories. Folks in North East Texas do not say "I have a flat tire, I need you to repair it."
Get to the repair station, and say:
"you know, i was driving out on Highway 80, out towards old Gilmer Road, ya know? And I was passing the Lindsay's pasture, you know their blue tick huntin dog Jake died last spring? Very sad. He was the best coon dog in three counties. Anyhow, I was passin their back pasture, where they grow the alfalfa hay? And I heard a real loud BANG! I think i run over a board in the road. Then my dang ol tire went flat. And I had to call Ed Earl from the tow truck company to come out and pick us up. You know his momma had dental surgery last fall? Yep, drove all the way to Shreveport for it. Anyhow, here I am, and it's flatter than that freshman cheerleader to the high school. Ken yew hep me out?"
And the guy at the repair station, he says "Well, I bet we can do something. Ain't you Jan the Artist's son?"
And it goes on for 30 minutes, while we drink an orange nehi, and chat about stuff, then the guy fixes the flat, charges me and sends me on my way.
Well, Once in college a pal from Houston heard me talking to someone, and he said "Goddamit Charles, get to the point. No one cares about all that other crap"
And it made sense. People are busy. They no longer care. Get to the point.
Well, today, our VP got to hear some people telling North East Texas Stories. And to her credit, she did NOT say "get to the point" She did say "This is not important, please ONLY tell me what I need to know"
She got a long, bitter, nasty taste of what I have been putting up with since February. 20 minutes of argument about 25 cubes, or 26 cubes, Finally, she stood up, said "you will need to fix this. bring me an answer" turned to me and said "I now understand why you have headaches" and left the room.
You know what I have? Understanding. and that's worth a lot. Almost as much as recognition.
I hope this is all resolved. But I sure wish flat tires was all I had to worry about anymore.
at home, Sara made delicious tofu dogs with roasted peppers for dinner. I had a bagel this morning. I can do without eating for a day or so anyhow.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
YOU MIGHT BELONG TO A REDNECK SYNAGOGUE IF...
People ask, when they hear about oil lasting 8 days, whether it was Pennzoil.
The shofar sounds like a duck call.
The Bar Mitzvah centerpiece is made from grits.
It's in the shape of a shotgun.
The rabbi says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to approach
the bima," and then five guys and two women stand up.
You can tell it's a fancy Oneg Shabbat when they serve beef jerky.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as another high holiday.
A member of the synagogue requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The rabbi and the cantor drive matching pickup trucks.
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink" is the favorite Kiddush wine.
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the directory.
Bris is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund raiser for a new temple septic tank.
"Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
High notes on the organ set the dogs under the floor to howling.
The Sisterhood recipe for gefilte fish calls for a medium-sized catfish.
You can recognize life cycle events by the clean t-shirts.
For Purim, all the kids dress up as Dale Earnhardt.
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"
Thursday, December 09, 2004
This just in from Tom in TX
How to Shower Like a Woman...........
- Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
- Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
- Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
- Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
- Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
- Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced
- Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red
- Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash
- Rinse conditioner off hair.
- Shave armpits and legs.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
- Spray mold spots with Tilex.
- Get out of shower
- Dry with towel the size of a small country
- Wipe up any water that got on the floor.
- Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
- Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs
- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head
- If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How to Shower Like a Man............
- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile
- Walk naked to the bathroom.
- If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound
- Look at your manly physique in the mirror
- Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind
- Get in the shower.
- Wash your face.
- Wash your armpits.
- Blow you're nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
- Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
- Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
- Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
- Wash your hair.
- Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
- Rinse off and get out of shower.
- Partially dry off.
- Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
- Admire wiener size in mirror again.
- Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
- Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
- If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
- Throw wet towel on bed.
I am positive Joe the Red Headed Menace came up with this idea years ago, but someone is marketing Road Rage Cards. You hold them out your window, quick flip chart. I clearly remember parking at the movies once, and Joe wrote the license number and description of the car parket too close on one side of us, and taped it to his window, just in case they sideswiped him backing out. He is a genius.
So the Department of Justice has some flashcards to help us idjits tell if someone MAY be a Muslim, Sikh or terrorist. Great. Someone else posted how to tell if someone is a redneck by head covering, I like the redneck hack better.
finally, and totally rude, this sick Brit artist has a web site of whacked out flash movies and top10 comparison lists. not work safe, absolutely wierd.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
it's not that he won't pay me, I think he is just distracted. I need to remind him I suppose, but I really hate doing that. Wanna piss off a freind? borrow money from them.
I don't know who is in charge at the University of Bristol, but I like them. WHY? cause they say the right stuff. I knew it all along. I am not sleeping enough. that's why I am fat
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
BUT! phase I completion is close, so it should slow down
always wanted to be a Hacker! Never had the will to learn?
nekkid chicks teach hacking!
in other news, anyone know where I can get a copy of Virtual PC 7.0 for Mac? My pop wants it, and I am soo out of touch.....
but the BIG project at work is close to phase I completion
nekkid chicks teach you how to be a hacker
Monday, December 06, 2004
Thursday, December 02, 2004
now help me out people! Who KNOWS any of these folks, and can get me set up for a Lunch!
Taken from a article by Ben Stein:
At titanic Disney, the CEO is Michael Eisner, the world's most assimilated Jew, who might as well be a Presbyterian. Deputy head is Michael Ovitz, karate champ but also a Jew. Head of the studio is Joe Roth.
At newly energized ICM, the top dogs are Jeff Berg and Jim Wiatt. At still overwhelming CAA, Jack Rapke and other members of my faith predominate. At William Morris, Jon Burnham and other Jews are, by and large, in the power positions.
And a website that listed annoying jews in
Selma Blair - furry, but not short
Slash - definitely furry
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
My pal Matt sent me the story of Mr. Vang. And I kinda didn't believe Matthew. But there is lots of news. Either way, nope, no hunting for me.
I know, it's happened for years in Texas, they even compile data on it. But still, even if no one hits the bottle, its dangerous anyhow.
Me, I am avoiding it all. As my beloved mother once told me, "Son, we're Jews, we don't hunt, we shop"
(she hasn't see the Jews for Preservation of Firearms Site.)
sum it all up and move in a totally different direction,
2005 MUST be the year of the short, pudgy, balding, furry Jewish man as SEX SYMBOL.
I am working on a list, Gene Simmons, Jack Black, Ron Jeremy, Billy "the testicle" Crystal, Adam Sandler, cmon, help me out. I wanna establish 2005 as a NEW YEAR for Hollywood.
lemme know who I am forgetting. They must be ALIVE, working, and fit the criteria.
2005. Year of the Short, Pudgy, Furry, Hebrew SEX SYMBOL!
Note, this is purely a good idea, and not self serving in the least.....
first the battery only lasted 5 minutes
now no signal at home
I will try it on the way to dinner
if not, email is best till I can figure out what to do. I need it to last a month more, till cool verizon phones come out.