Thursday, December 30, 2004

Why haven't I been writing? Good question, cause I have been so stinking busy with work, I have not had time to stop, relax, and think.

Big huge project at work, just coming to a head. We are moving people Jan 7. I already moved into my office in a different building. No one else is on the floor yet, so it is very quiet and peaceful. Allowing me to scream and yell, pull hair and cry, trying to work these logistics.

Sara, Karolyn and I were at Tlaquepaque for Taco Tuesday, drinking and eating and talking, and I think the ladies came up with my new years resolution. I work too much. We all work too much. Life is not about work. If it is all work, then you suck and will die.

We live 45 minute from San Francisco. There are plays, museums, shows, restaurants, that we have not been to. There are so many other things to do. Lately my ONLY form of relaxation has been hot tub or motorcycling.

Next year, we are GOING to go do things. More cultural events. More movies, More plays, more Shows, more museums. MORE LIFE! My new years resolution (thanks ladies) is to LIVE a life. Not just work work work

Everyone asks what am doin for new years. Not much. Matt is planning a flat track race in his back yard new years day. yep, that's my plan. And maybe if it stops raining, try to ride the BSA sidecar some.

I'll attempt to get back on track, and get more writing done.


Friday, December 24, 2004

Cookie Kama Sutra!

Today we slept late, then rode the sidecar to the new pancake joint by our house. SARA drove us home, it was grand. She is learning sidecar drivin!

Other than that, not much, planning a calm, restful day


Tuesday, December 21, 2004


1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

2. Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

3. No meal is complete without leftovers.

4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.

5. A schmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

6. You need 10 men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.

9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

10. Never take a front row seat at a bris.

11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

13. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Boca Raton (or Lake Wirth).

14. WASPs leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.

15. Always whisper the names of diseases.

16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.

18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

19. Before you read the menu, read the prices. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.
But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at four in the afternoon in Florida at the Early Bird Special.

Monday, December 20, 2004

i really am not enjoying the holidays.

EXCEPT, when I think of the amazing Ragin Rudolph parody of the Rankin Bass film

WARNING, NOT for the easily offended.

However, if you like goodfellas, gangster flicks, etc, this will cause you to laugh till you wee your pants.

great news from Dr. Scates, I went for my regular checkup this morning, and he says I am in great shape.

woo hoo!

i'm just blatantly ripping off an email from my pal Flash

Fuck it.  Celebrate Festivus.

The Airing of the Grievances is my favorite part.

"No tinsel? No problem."

Beth and I do not exchange gifts at xmas.
We think that it should be about presence, not presents.
We ENJOY each other's company and do not stress.
We get each other gifts during the year at any old time if
we happen to see something that FITS.

You know...

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Last night Sara, Jack & I went to SF. She bought vegan marshmallows.

we went to a holiday party for my pal Jeff Lim, who is way too skinny, but doing well after his bout with the cancer.

then went to Mona Lisa italian restaurant in north beach, for yummy dinner.

This morning rode up Mt. Hamilton on the XR650. then stopped at Rebecca's folks on the way down, made cookies. YAY!

on my way home, the chain on the XR broke, and wrapped itself around the countershaft sprocket. What does that mean? I am tooling along the highway at 70, hear a BANG, no power to rear wheel, slippery, oil, damn

the chain wadded up around the motor, and broke through part of the crankcase, dripping oil everywhere.

there were some friend shufflings, and Dale brought his truck with a carrier, and got me home.

cleaned it all off, the case is broken in 2 places, IF Alex at Fastline can weld it, I may be in luck, else, i need to completely rebuild the bottom end of the motor.

>.< goddamit! I am broke, this is the WRONG time for this to happen. I am very behind on bills, owe taxes on the house, owe mortgage note, truck note, insurance for truck, credit cards, GODDAMNIT...... etc,

the XR is gonna have to wait till I get some spare money. DAMN

anyhow, I am home, so that is good.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Speedy Boy

so a few weekends back, my pal Dale & I got speeding tickets. And We never got a "courtesy notice" from the court telling us what to pay, where to go, etc.

Today, I called the court.
After my second round, 48 minutes on hold,  thank

goodness for the speaker phone, the VERY nice lady
at Santa Clara Superior Court tells me that our
tickets have not reached their court.

And to phone them back on the 23rd, the day after the date written
on the ticket.

If we did NOT recieve a 'courtesy notice' it means the
ticket is not yet in their system

I feel uncomfortable about all this, but will call
back on the 22nd, and get back on speakerphone.

My one mistake? I did not ask her name. DAMNATION.

Okay, so that's what I know.

What do we do next?

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

I've been working on planning logistics for my Business Technology Group's 'move' since February. We're trying to consolidate a bunch of people from across the campus into 2.5 buildings.

It's a big, huge, nasty pain in the kiester. I wake up with nightmares, I fear if it goes wrong, I will be fired. The worst part is I am dependant on someone else. I have to wait for them, I have to work with them, and I have to 'trust' they will do the job right.

So far, their idea of doing the job 'right' has been to delegate the work to others and spew random buzz words: Lets understand this better. Let me Share with you, I need you to reconsider the overall good.

It has been pure misery, made me feel incompetent, ineffective, and bumbling.

In the past 2 weeks, we have approached a real solution. Mostly because another team wants to move into some of the space my group is in, and their VPs are a lot pushier than ours.

Today we had a meeting with the slow, ineffective people. OH, and our new VP came. My bosses boss. She don't take poop from anyone. She looks for results, and no excuses.

A) I like this
B) I am scared of this, because my success is dependant on the foot draggers.

Years ago, growing up in North East Texas, I learned to communicate by telling stories. Folks in North East Texas do not say "I have a flat tire, I need you to repair it."

Get to the repair station, and say:
"you know, i was driving out on Highway 80, out towards old Gilmer Road, ya know? And I was passing the Lindsay's pasture, you know their blue tick huntin dog Jake died last spring? Very sad. He was the best coon dog in three counties. Anyhow, I was passin their back pasture, where they grow the alfalfa hay? And I heard a real loud BANG! I think i run over a board in the road. Then my dang ol tire went flat. And I had to call Ed Earl from the tow truck company to come out and pick us up. You know his momma had dental surgery last fall? Yep, drove all the way to Shreveport for it. Anyhow, here I am, and it's flatter than that freshman cheerleader to the high school. Ken yew hep me out?"

And the guy at the repair station, he says "Well, I bet we can do something. Ain't you Jan the Artist's son?"

And it goes on for 30 minutes, while we drink an orange nehi, and chat about stuff, then the guy fixes the flat, charges me and sends me on my way.

Well, Once in college a pal from Houston heard me talking to someone, and he said "Goddamit Charles, get to the point. No one cares about all that other crap"

And it made sense. People are busy. They no longer care. Get to the point.

Well, today, our VP got to hear some people telling North East Texas Stories. And to her credit, she did NOT say "get to the point" She did say "This is not important, please ONLY tell me what I need to know"

She got a long, bitter, nasty taste of what I have been putting up with since February. 20 minutes of argument about 25 cubes, or 26 cubes, Finally, she stood up, said "you will need to fix this. bring me an answer" turned to me and said "I now understand why you have headaches" and left the room.

You know what I have? Understanding. and that's worth a lot. Almost as much as recognition.

I hope this is all resolved. But I sure wish flat tires was all I had to worry about anymore.

at home, Sara made delicious tofu dogs with roasted peppers for dinner. I had a bagel this morning. I can do without eating for a day or so anyhow.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

from my cousin Evvy

People ask, when they hear about oil lasting 8 days, whether it was Pennzoil.
The shofar sounds like a duck call.
The Bar Mitzvah centerpiece is made from grits.
It's in the shape of a shotgun.
The rabbi says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to approach
the bima," and then five guys and two women stand up.
You can tell it's a fancy Oneg Shabbat when they serve beef jerky.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as another high holiday.
A member of the synagogue requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The rabbi and the cantor drive matching pickup trucks.
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink" is the favorite
Kiddush wine.

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the directory.
Bris is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund raiser for a new temple septic tank.
"Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
High notes on the organ set the dogs under the floor to howling.
The Sisterhood recipe for gefilte fish calls for a medium-sized catfish.
You can recognize life cycle events by the clean t-shirts.
For Purim, all the kids dress up as Dale Earnhardt.
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"

Thursday, December 09, 2004

This just in from Tom in TX

How to Shower Like a Woman...........

How to Shower Like a Man............

JUST in case you were bored, and thinking of goin deer hunting, my pal Jeff at work shared this link with me. It will not only give you 'eXXTREME' hunting suggestions, but will also give you plans to build your own gun.

I am positive Joe the Red Headed Menace came up with this idea years ago, but someone is marketing Road Rage Cards. You hold them out your window, quick flip chart. I clearly remember parking at the movies once, and Joe wrote the license number and description of the car parket too close on one side of us, and taped it to his window, just in case they sideswiped him backing out. He is a genius.

So the Department of Justice has some flashcards to help us idjits tell if someone MAY be a Muslim, Sikh or terrorist. Great. Someone else posted how to tell if someone is a redneck by head covering, I like the redneck hack better.

finally, and totally rude, this sick Brit artist has a web site of whacked out flash movies and top10 comparison lists. not work safe, absolutely wierd.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

so this buddy of mine owes me some money. and ALL I can think about is that scene out of goodfellas.

it's not that he won't pay me, I think he is just distracted. I need to remind him I suppose, but I really hate doing that. Wanna piss off a freind? borrow money from them.

I don't know who is in charge at the University of Bristol, but I like them. WHY? cause they say the right stuff. I knew it all along. I am not sleeping enough. that's why I am fat

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

well, sorry for the shite postings, i have been slammed @ work.

BUT! phase I completion is close, so it should slow down

always wanted to be a Hacker! Never had the will to learn?

nekkid chicks teach hacking!

in other news, anyone know where I can get a copy of Virtual PC 7.0 for Mac? My pop wants it, and I am soo out of touch.....

sorry for the meaningless posts, I am wore out
but the BIG project at work is close to phase I completion

nekkid chicks teach you how to be a hacker

Monday, December 06, 2004

in case the dead come back to life, here is a short documentary that'll keep you updated on the best things to do in case of actual zombie attack.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

this just in from the OTHER sister.... (thanks Kate)

now help me out people! Who KNOWS any of these folks, and can get me set up for a Lunch!

Taken from a article by Ben Stein:

At mighty Paramount, the controlling stockholder is Sumner Redstone. Head of the studio is Jon Dolgen. Head of production is Sherry Lansing--all members of the tribe.

At titanic Disney, the CEO is Michael Eisner, the world's most assimilated Jew, who might as well be a Presbyterian. Deputy head is Michael Ovitz, karate champ but also a Jew. Head of the studio is Joe Roth.

At newly energized ICM, the top dogs are Jeff Berg and Jim Wiatt. At still overwhelming CAA, Jack Rapke and other members of my faith predominate. At William Morris, Jon Burnham and other Jews are, by and large, in the power positions.

And a website that listed annoying jews in Hollywood.

Henry Winkler

Steven Spielberg

Selma Blair - furry, but not short

Jerry Stiller

Hank Azaria

Bob Dylan

Howard Stern

Slash - definitely furry

David Herman

More on the SFFHB Sex Symbols, From my sister. Now she's helpin out, cmon people, work with me. I also need some Hollywood "JUICE" anyone know anyone I can talk to to move this foreward? Also anyone interested in building a web site for me?


Jon Stewart
Chris Kattan (AKA "Mango" from Saturday Night Live)
Pauly Shore
Larry David
Jason Alexander
Matthew Broaderick (who knew Ferris Bueller was a Heb)
Adrien Brody (he won an oscar, but he's butt-ugly)
Seth Green (he played Scott Evil, son of Doctor Evil in Austin Powers)
Jon Lovitz
David Schwimmer
I was disturbed to find out that Michael Bolton is Jewish. Thank God we have Gene Simmons to make up for that ass-puppet
The bald dude who plays Lex Luthor on "Smallville"
Ben Stiller
Gideon Yago --Dorky MTV VJ
Sacha Coen
Plays "Ali G" on the completely stupid HBO show

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I am NOT goin Hunting in Wisconsin, No matter WHAT ya'll say.

My pal Matt sent me the story of Mr. Vang. And I kinda didn't believe Matthew. But there is lots of news. Either way, nope, no hunting for me.

I know, it's happened for years in Texas, they even compile data on it. But still, even if no one hits the bottle, its dangerous anyhow.

Me, I am avoiding it all. As my beloved mother once told me, "Son, we're Jews, we don't hunt, we shop"

(she hasn't see the Jews for Preservation of Firearms Site.)

sum it all up and move in a totally different direction,

2005 MUST be the year of the short, pudgy, balding, furry Jewish man as SEX SYMBOL.

I am working on a list, Gene Simmons, Jack Black, Ron Jeremy, Billy "the testicle" Crystal, Adam Sandler, cmon, help me out. I wanna establish 2005 as a NEW YEAR for Hollywood.

lemme know who I am forgetting. They must be ALIVE, working, and fit the criteria.

2005. Year of the Short, Pudgy, Furry, Hebrew SEX SYMBOL!

Note, this is purely a good idea, and not self serving in the least.....

it's all about the phone, and I think mine just died.

first the battery only lasted 5 minutes

now no signal at home

I will try it on the way to dinner

if not, email is best till I can figure out what to do. I need it to last a month more, till cool verizon phones come out.


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