Saturday, December 11, 2004

from my cousin Evvy

YOU MIGHT BELONG TO A REDNECK SYNAGOGUE IF...
.
People ask, when they hear about oil lasting 8 days, whether it was Pennzoil.
.
The shofar sounds like a duck call.
.
The Bar Mitzvah centerpiece is made from grits.
It's in the shape of a shotgun.
.
The rabbi says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to approach
the bima," and then five guys and two women stand up.
.
You can tell it's a fancy Oneg Shabbat when they serve beef jerky.
.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as another high holiday.
.
A member of the synagogue requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
.
The rabbi and the cantor drive matching pickup trucks.
.
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
.
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink" is the favorite
Kiddush wine.

.
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the directory.
.
Bris is referred to as "branding".
.
There is a special fund raiser for a new temple septic tank.
.
"Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
.
High notes on the organ set the dogs under the floor to howling.
.
The Sisterhood recipe for gefilte fish calls for a medium-sized catfish.
.
You can recognize life cycle events by the clean t-shirts.
.
For Purim, all the kids dress up as Dale Earnhardt.
.
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"

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