Tuesday, November 05, 2002

so it is monday just after midnight, well, that makes it Tuesday, and I cannot sleep. Not that there is anything going on, I just cannot sleep. Sara is not feeling great, Keith is sick, Larissa just got over strep throat, Julia and Mark are not feleing well, everyone I know seems to be ill. and I hope I do not join them.

Saturday was a great Party. Eric & Lissa celebrate Haloween like other folks celebrate christmas. they have boxes and boxes of decorations, they really DO their house up, and potluck at the Bong-Shoun household is always grand, they are good friends, and they have good friends. Sara and I baked a squash and potato thing, it was dee-lish, yummified.

Oh, then I helped Lissa, and we blew fire. Firebreathing is really cool, and definitely something I could get into as another hobby. Of course, I need another hobby like I need a hole in my head.....

What else? saturday morning Sara and I went for a MC ride. She took the 400, and is beginning to realize her 929 is about the same weight, but with more power. sunday went dirt riding at Hollister Hills with my pal Greg. Whee. Playin in the dirt is fun!

This morning we IM'd a little about possibly selling the 400, then the XR 600, and replacing them with a 400 Dual Sport (dirt and street) and 2 small (<125cc) dirt bikes. Selling the XR and it's spare motor, and the FZR and all it's spares would free up enough room in the gargae to allow for 2 big and 2 small. may look into this......

so work is going well, I am still really excited about the job, it is a wonderful learning and growing opportunity for me.

The down side is my friend (let's call her Ms. X) has not spoken to me in over a month. And I am not sure why. I mean, she mentioned she did not want me to take the job promotion, but provided no reasons other than working for same boss. She was not in line for the job. And then she got mad when I advanced my career, and went for more opportunity? Before this promotion, I was ready to leave the company, because I was totally dead ended.

I can make a bunch of assumptions. Like, I know she prefers to seperate work life from social life, so having me report to the same boss she does could cross that social/work line. 2 years ago, Keith (same boss) hired me, then I was re-orged to someone else. So we would have been on the same team then, what is different NOW?

And really, shouldn't a FRIEND of mine be happy that I am doing something I enjoy, and learning, and advancing my career?

So I keep trying to think of what to do. I mean, OBVIOUSLY, I should go talk to her, and ask what it's all about.

But I have that fear. the same FEAR I had with my ex-wife. Fear of being hollered at, made to feel horrible, made to feel small, worthless, and afraid. The other day when I passed her (Ms. X) in the hall, and I said "hello" she shot me the exact same look Rona used to give me when she was mad. Oh, right, Rona was mad ALL the damn time, and nearly drove me suicidal. Oh yeah, that (marriage) was the first thing I QUIT and ran from in about 15 years.

and really, I do not want to risk it, repeating those horrible feelings of helplessness, shame, humiliation and worse AGAIN, to someone I am NOT married to. I know communication breakdown is the worst, as it just festers resentment, but I do not want to walk back into that same "controlling" situation.

How long can 2 adults, who are supposedly friends, spend working for the same guy, and not talking? I may get to find out.

Okay, it is 12:30, and I am sleepy now.

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