Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Sara and I went to dinner at Krung Thai with some pals from work, and some new pals, and it was a swell evening. When we got home, I checked emails, and now.....

YAY!

I know who sent the bagel dogs! A dear and close friend who shall remain nameless, except to me!

So I was writing an email to this dear and close friend, and really thought it was good stuff, and I ought to share it. It started as a reply to "what the heck do you SAY to one of your pals who gets sick?"

and here is what fell out of my brain.

>>>>

So I got sick, and they cut out one of my balls, and I am probably going to have a bad few months of chemical nastiness, depending on what I find out tomorrow. But I WILL survive this, and I will still love you.

Cancer sucks ass. When you hear it, you think about old dying people in wheelchairs, or sad little girls, bald from chemo, fighting to stay alive.

When it strikes too close, when it is a friend of yours, a child, a spouse, a lover, you are at a loss, you don't know what to do or what to say.

Generic phrases, like, "I care about you", or "I am scared" or "I am here for you" when those words come out, they may FEEL meaningless when you say them, but I promise you, looking at it from this side of the cancer, they mean a HELL of a lot.

Every time a friend of mine says something like that, in that uncomfortable stutter, that wierd, hard to push out, words that don't seem like enough, Guess what? I KNOW what they mean. I KNOW they are frustrated, and I KNOW they care.

So really, that's enough.

Cause every time one of my friends says something like that, it helps me fight, it gives me strength, and it reminds me how damn lucky I really am to have friends.

tomorrow at 2pm I meet with the doctor to learn what they found.




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