Thursday, August 21, 2003

Years ago when I worked for the political consulting firm, part of my job was producing reports from polling data. One of the most important parts was the "executive summary", a 3 or 4 line paragraph explaining the next 500 pages of data. Cause really, no one wants to look at 500 pages of data. Especially busy candidates.

So here is the executive summary, followed by the details.

Executive Summary
Charles Statman, August 21, 2003 Visit to Dr. Andonian:
I still have cancer, it progressed to the lymph nodes by my kidneys, but is not in my lungs. I need to meet 2 oncologists, who specialize in radiation and chemotherapy. We will work as a team, to determine the best treatment plan. I will also 'bank' sperm for the future, mine is viable. My cancer is treatable, and not spreading rapidly.

Detailed Explanation:
I went to work this morning, wondering how bad it will be, and how much of a hurry to be in. One of my direct reports (Larissa) called from the hospital, she is having some digestive tract issue. I told her this is NOT a competition.

At 1, I spoke to my aunt, then left to meet Sara at Dr. Andonian's office.

1:45, we met with Dr. Andonian and got some news. I do still have cancerous bits in me. It has progressed out of my now removed testicle up into the lymph nodes by my kidneys. Scary but controllable. It has NOT spread to my lungs.... yet.

The next step is to meet with 2 oncologists, and begin developing a team and treatment plan. This is not something to put off, but I will not be admitted to the hospital tomorrow. So that is good. Pressure, but not OMG Pressure. More on the oncologists in a moment.

To insure that Sara and I could have children in the future, we need to find out if my sperms are still viable. If they are, I will need to bank some in case the chemotherapy makes me sterile. apparently, putting them into a dixie cup in the side-by-side freezer does NOT count, or work. :P But we knew that. It's just me trying to keep positive attitude.

Viability. Got to get a sample for the doctor to look at. Sara goes into the waiting room, and I am sent into an exam room with a cup. Uhhh, and bright, flourescent lights. And 'happy' office music. and absolutely nothing else. Have I mentioned before that Dr. Andonian's office is very nicely decorated? In a homey, stylish, country, maybe Maine, -east coast style? I mean, sure, it is a doctors office, but the rooms are nice. Too nice. Way too nice for any 'stimulating' thought. It feels like you are trying to wank in your freind's grandma's kitchen.

Oh my, what if nothing happens? What if I cannot make it work? Okay, we are talking about cancer, and my fight against it. Sometimes this is not a pretty story. Some times the stuff I talk about is gross and disgusting. But I am gonna write it anyhow, just so I remember what happened.

I am sitting on a nice wooden kitchen chair, with a blue ruffled seat cushion, in a well light exam room, next to an exam table, with pictures of ducks and labrador retrievers on the wall. I can hear the receptionist booking appointments. I have my pants around my knees, and I am trying to masturbate. This is not easy. I do not like masturbating. Period. No matter where I am. It is too damn messy. I know, bad reason, but it is true. I try to be fastidiously clean about my body and environment, and this is just messy and icky.

BUT! Focus like a laser. this is to make sure we can possibly have kids in the future. As my pal Rudy used to say, "I would hate to deprive any woman of the privlidge of bearing my children" Okay, there are a ton of people out there praying and thinking good thoughts. I can do this.

Eeek! all these people are thinking about me. Oh god, and here I am in grandma's exam room, trying to pull one off? My cousin Andrew once claimed his mom told him he should not masturbate because all his ancestors were watching. His thought was "well, then I better do a good job" And that was my goal too.

calm down. I have cancer. this should not be so traumatic. I HAVE done this part before. c'mon, think. Concentrate.

Whew. I managed to make some. Will they be swimmers? dunno. As instructed, I leave the sample cup on the table, and go out to the waiting room to join Sara. Who says "that was fast!" fast? oh, no, it felt like an eternity. Then she asked me what I thought about. and you know, this is the sad part. I had to clear my mind. I had to concentrate on ONE thing. This is fantasy stuff here, right? you don't exactly think about your fiancee. And I cannot really get anywhere thinking about super models, or movie stars, or anything. I have a good pal who is "in the business" she's a knockout, and makes photos and all that stuff, but no, that's like, MY FRIEND. Oh, this will never work! FOCUS!

Sad but true, I concentrated on one of the ladies I really want. I thought about sleek flowing lines, gentle curves, graceful shapes. And it worked.
I know, sad. but the 1964 model in black would be my choice.

Finally Dr. Andonian called us in, we looked in the microscope. My boys are SWIMMERS! and LOTS of them. Whew. So I will phone the proper clinic tomorrow and begin banking sperms for a potential future kid.

Definition: The study of the causes, properties, disease progression and treatment of tumors and cancers.
Oncology is a discipline of medicine studying the cause, diagnosis and treatment of cancer.

I need to meet with 2. One who specializes in Radiation treatment. In my case, Dr. Greg Colburn, at O'Connor Hospital. We meet this Monday at 1:30pm. The other specializes in Chemotherapy. Dr. Steve Scates, who I have an appointment with a WEEK from Monday. They will meet me, then speak with each other, and figure out what to do. I am hoping Dr. Colburn will call Dr. Scates and say "Hey man, a week is a week wasted, see this guy asafp"

will know more monday. But it is prjected that I will get both, nuked and juiced. Whee!

I feel I should do more research, and learn more about the doctors, but at the moment, I am too tired, too worn out, too beat down. Still have positive attitude, just need more rest.

Remember to tell people
Sara heard the results with me, so she knows. When I got to my truck, I phoned my folks, to let them know. Then I called my main man Jack, who has stood beside me through all this. Then I went home and took a nap. My dear friend Rebecca phoned around 5, but I was tired and did not make much sense, I hope she understood. Okay, sorry this took so long, but now ya'll know what I know.

My next 2 Steps are concurrent: Sperm bank and Oncologists.

More as it develops. I will beat this cancer! But I may lose some weight and hair on the journey. Thanks again for all support and kind words and thoughts.


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