Sunday, November 02, 2003

Greetings Campers! Sorry it's taken so long, I hit a big wall on Wednesday, and was not sure I would regain momentum. Not that it has been a particularly difficult week physically, but emotionally, it was a klanger.

Many of my pals here have been helping me get to and from. Sara dropped me off at the clinic every morning, then someone else picked me up every evening. And I sit, from 8:30 am till 4:30 pm, with this needle, dripping poision into me. And I know I am not strong enough to drive myself, I don't have the energy to DO anything, and, oh yeah, there is a lot of vomiting.

It just drains. Wednesday I became very depressed. I just thought "I know the end is in sight, but HOW LONG can this go ON?" come home at night, I do not have the strength to eat, I don't even want to eat. Whatever goes in is gonna just come rocketing out. I do not even mind the puking, it is the bile that really burns when it gets up into your sinuses.

Mark came by and helped move the "big ass desk" into my bedroom. Sara and I set it up, and the room still smells like particle board. But, I have a desk, a REAL desk. Not the computer printer workstand I have been using since 1991. And in moving, I am trying to consolidate, clean up, unload, and get a bunch of clutter OUT of the room, cause it can go in and on the desk now. I also set up the wee G-3 Macintosh computer my pal Beth gave me, so I have DUAL systems. How silly! I like having a mac again, although i cannot find my favorite game "Pirates!"

Back to life. After we set up the desk, I passed out. No energy

Next day, more chemo I kept wearing different hats, and going in every day. My blood counts look good. The hydration therapy is helping. I am taking the chemo, and whizzing it out, and it is killing off all my blood cells. Hopefully those nasty little cancer cells too.

Thursday my pal Eric Bong crashed his motorcycle on the way to work. He broke a collarbone and a hand, opposite sides. I've done this before. Makes bathroom a pain. Can't use either hand, think about it. But his WONDERFUL S.O. Lissa is helping him out, and I know everthing will be fine. I am just not strong enough to go visit, so I feel bad. I mean, I should be picking up the bike from the wrecking yard, and getting it to his place, and helping him pick out new riding gear, and making him lunches. and making him laugh. and I cannot. and that depresses me. You gotta take care of your freinds.

Friday, finally, end of the week. I talked the nursing staff into NOT making me have a hydration pump over the weekend. It makes me even sicker. So I promised I would drink as much fluid as I can. And I am failing. I try, but it is hard.

Sara went out Friday night with Eric's kid brother James & his wife Tara, they went to some punk rock show in Berkeley. YAY! I am glad when Sara is able to get out and lead normal life.

I stayed home and threw candy at punk neighborhood kids. actually, none of them looked like they were from my neighborhood. Who the hell busses their kids all over the city to get free candy?

Then Jack & Kevin came by, we talked, watched a DVD, and I barfed some. It's good to have friends who do not care when you rush out of the room to spew.

Saturday i could not get out of bed. Every sound was too loud. Every movement was too much. Finally, Sara got up at noon, and made some eggs and tortillas. And I ate! YAY! It was pretty much the first real food I'd eaten all week, and I got them to stay down. Yay Meskin Brekkies! Yay Sara! then back to bed

napped the rest of the afternoon. Sara went shopping. I was thinking, "I'd like to try some shrimp fried rice for dinner". She came home, and had bought stuff to make stir freid shrimp, veggies and rice! YAY! Sara is the one for me.

Eating was hard, for some reason, my head just is pounding, and I cannot think. But I am drinking. Sprite. fluids. yay. After dinner, fell alseep on the big ass couch. Our house is starting to have a lot of big ass things. Just a side note.

at 10, Sara suggested I go to bed, and I did. A little more energy, and a little more hydrated.

Sunday morning. She has a ride in Santa Cruz. it is the SC Vampires "Day of the Dead" ride, and many of our pals are going. I hope she'll have a fun time. I took a shower, have my bedsheets in the wash, and finally sat down to try to catch up a little on the weblog.

Do you know that until last year, the therapy I am doing was considered so aggressive, they kept patients in the hospital through the entire course?

What is next?

Monday morning I go in for hydration, fluid only, no drugs. Then have a 1:30 appointment with the doctor. We'll look at my blood counts, my kidney levels, etc. and decide if I need to hydrate during the week, or If I can have almost 2 weeks without needles. During these 2 weeks, the chemo is still in me, it is just running course through my system.

And AFTER these next 2 weeks? my 4th and final round. 1 week of hard drugs. 2 weeks of recovery, then we do cat scans, and look at the cancers. If we got them, I keep monitoring. If we did not, I get to learn about radiation.

chemo has 98%. we are hoping 98%. I am hoping, done in Mid December, then start rebuilding.

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