charles statman

years and YEARS ago, in Austin, I'd participate or host in a special party thrown by a group of friends. It was called the "Thank God the Holidays are OVER" party. We'd usually rent a club, print flyers, host bands, and invite the entire city. Once, I foolishly volunteered the house I was renting, ... lost the security deposit on that one.

Anyhow, the whole premise was the Holidays are forced. people are just trying really hard to have fun and be nice, and get things on sale sale sale. But it is not real, and does not last all year.

We would celebrate by burning dead trees, finishing all the snacks we would not normally eat, and generally having a bang up last of the holiday soiree. At the end of which, every single year, someone would stand and say this speech (or darn close, depending on inebriation):

"the holidays are over, who really cares? Who will make a difference this year? Who will give gifts and send cards when they don't have to? Who will have dinner parties? Who will try to make the world a better place to live in?"

then it would get dead silent, and everyone would file out, heads down, thinking. thinking too hard for leaving a party.

And every year, I tried to live up to that. I tried to give small gifts at inappropriate times. I tried to have parties. I tried to do fun things.

For some reason, being married killed that inside me. I became this horrible, responsible, grown up person, worrying about the mortgage, and the job, and paying bills on time, and was not as much fun as I could have been, and did not enjoy life.

I changed from a kid into a grownup. But did not like the grown up I became.

After the dee-vorce, I knew I could never return to being a kid, but tried to be a better grown-up, who still has fun, gives gifts, and tries to make the world better, by making people smile. Sort of in between, a compromise of the best of both. Paying the bills, having a roof over my head, but still pushing smiles to pals.

The job out here, the grind, the daily tasks, found me becoming more and more dull and boring, forgetting to do the little things. Oh, still trying, but not as hard as I should.

Frankly, this past half year stunk. I've often heard the phrase "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies" but had not really experienced any pain or suffering so bad that somewhere, deep inside me, I felt "yeah, well, maybe I'd wish it on that jerk who just cut me off in traffic..."

Well, I would not even wish chemo on that guy. It was horrible, and I am still trying to figure out how to recover. Today, for example, I've been tired, slightly sickly, and beginning to feel all the wrong things the chemo and drugs had blasted over.

BUT! Cancer no more in 2004! I am back on track, healing, at a job I love, with a gal I love, surrounded by friends and family.

It's not really new years resolutions, but I am gonna try to:

have more dinners, give more gifts, make more people smile, try to make the world better by making the people in it happier

spend more time with friends

be great at my job

ride more motorcyle

travel more

write this damn book on 'nut cancer for guys'

and generally be a more enjoyable companion to everyone.


All my best, to all of you, for a happy and healthy 2004.

C