Sunday, August 29, 2004

Ant Frenzy at Casa Kingfisher.

Well, Sara and I were sitting around this evening, relaxing after a day of motorcycle riding, visiting friends, and well, you know, taking life easy.

We watched Kill Bill 2. (Thanks Christos)

Then we were getting ready to go for a soak in the hot tub, and off to bed. Till Sara walks into the kitchen and SQUEALS like Ned Beatty as Bobby Trippe in Deliverance. something bad is gonna happen. We did not hear banjo music, then oweeeee weeeee eeeeekkkkk

Now ya'll all may know, I am skeered like heck of spiders. I do not like them, nope, not a bit. I also do not like Cave Crickets, which the house in Dripping Springs was infested with. But spiders, and I am squealin!

But for the wonderful Miss Sara Hammer? Ants. Ants make her scream

So she is screamin, and finding more anns, and pitching a first line major hissy fit.

And I sorta hollered at her to calm down.

As a guy, I know better. But my emotions got the best of me.

Well, we finally figured they are coming from somewhere in the front of the house. So out I go with the Mag light. I see the "ant highway" as my dear dad once told me they are called.

And trace it from the front of the house, to the tree in front of the house, to the cactus, to the OTHER tree, (the one the cat pees on) to the roses on the side of the house.

"Sara, may I just blast them with a litle chemistry, and we'll be done?"

Nope! She is a veggie, and likes organic stuff, and chemicals are bad. Well, I am getting kind of tired of the whole "chemicals are bad, be an organic hippie" thing. So I show her the ant highway.

"Streetgang to Heaven3, Streetgang to Heaven3, call in the airstrike, begin the napalm drop at will!"

since I am in Kalifornia, land of the fruit and nut, the hippie, the prune picker, and the lawsuit for the hell of it. I cannot obtain good chemistry. They use these silly little ant spikes, from Grants. "Grant's kills ants" they say.

Back home Texas, we have REAL ants, FIRE Ants. these things are total bastards.

The Agricultural and Mechanical Institute in College Station (where pop schooled) studies ways to eradicate Fire Ants. Heck, they even study them at UT, my school.

at home, We used Orthene Ant Stop. This stuff zorches ants in their tracks, kills the colony, kills the queen, and really really allows the ants to have a "bad time". Plus they had great radio commercials, which I cannot find a link for anywhere. Of course, it is illegal in california.

So, I can't dump a few granules of instant ant death from above. I have to spray with watered down Kalifornia stuff. Still better than Grants, but stinkey and not as fast acting. I mix up some (oh, this is at 10pm, btw) and spray the front of the house, the ant highway, the tree, the cacti, the roses, and little ant corpses wash away.

but it will be a day or so before the whole shooting match is closed down.

One of the nice things about Kalifornia is fire ants have not made it here yet, but they are coming. And when they arrive, Hippies will give in, cause once a mound of fire ants attacks your little hippie kiddo out in the yard trying to play, gets all stung up, well, screw organic. NUKE THEM.

what was the line Brandon scrawled in his journal for Marty Sheen to find in Apocalypse Now? "Kill them ALL!"

that's what we feel about ants.

And yes Dad, I took a great long, hot shower, using surfactants, and am clean.

and Sara is not too mad at me for yelling when she tossed a hissy fit.

And there are not too many more ants in the house, if they are, they are sick ones.... :>

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