Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways on shagged tires, motor in flames, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit...what a ride!"
What's your Mobster Name? Or your Prison Bitch name? Insult me, Shakesperian Style!
This just in from my ultra-cool Sister:
This is something to add to your file on why you should watch what you e-mail. I was especially taken by the statement that GOD forgave her for her bad behavior. I don't think that most people would believe how much prayer is involved in the day to day operations of Longview.
Police accuse man of crime against pig
September 1, 2004
Ouachita Parish Sheriff deputies arrested a West Monroe man for committing a crime against nature Monday night.
Deputies arrested Austin Gullette, 45, 4266 Jonesboro Road, West Monroe, for allegedly engaging in sexual intercourse with a pig.
Gullette's sister, owner of the pig, said she caught her brother in the act. She said she walked outside because she heard squealing and discovered her brother with one of her three pigs.
When the witness confronted her brother, she said he took off running into the woods.
Deputies left the pig, a 125-pound Vietnamese potbelly, in the care of the owner, who said someone would come out to her residence to see about the animal.
"I'm embarrassed that this is my brother," she said. "I've never in my life seen anyone do this to a harmless little animal."
Maj. Royce Toney, with the OPSO, agreed that the event was a rare incident.
"In the 29 years we've been here, we've never heard of anyone committing a crime against nature with a pig," Toney said.
However, Toney said similar incidents with dogs, donkeys and sheep have been reported.
The owner said her pig, which she fondly refers to as "P-pie," is hiding because she's scared.
Although, Gullette didn't admit to the offense, Royce said the eyewitness and physical evidence were enough to make an arrest.
A crime against nature is punishable by a $2,000 fine or five years in prison.
Gullette was booked into Ouachita Correctional Center. Bond had not been set.
September 1, 2004
And in a final bit of humor, this is an email Sara recieved, as spam goes, I like it. I want a "babe motorcycle" too bad their web page takes so long
This to me is hilarious.
To: shammer@bbbbbbbblah blah blah
Subject: Motorcycle, Scooter, ATV, Off road,Electrical Scooter, babe Motorcycle (under 49cc)
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 08:52:53 +0800
Dear Sir or Madam , ;
We got your email address from our internet . Kindly please take a time to look through the following message. Sorry for causing any inconvenience .
I am pleased to inform you that our company "China Chongqing guangyu Motorcycle Group " is well-reputed and highly professional Group in Chongqing, China It is one of the leading manufacturers and exporter of high quality all kinds of motorcycle from China and the production capacity is more than 10000 units / month .
We are exporting the following items all over the world :
1. Motorcycle : From 50cc to 250cc (have 5 type pass E Market certified)
2. ATV(All-Terrain Vehicle) : From 50cc to 250cc (Had pass E-Market certified)
3. Off-road bike : From 50cc to 250cc
4. Scooter, Electric Scooter ; Electric bike; children Electric Scooter.
5. babe Motorcycle (under 49cc)
6. lawn mower, mini tractor.
7. Diesel engine,Generators of diesel motor from 3 kw to 15 kw.
8. Generator ; pump, gasoline engine, Outboard engine, mini tractor
(Had pass E-Market certified)
9. Electric Golf Car.
10. CNG Taxi Car, tricycle ,CNG Bus.
Payment : We prefer to accept the payment by Irrevocable L/C or T/T.
Delivery : We will arrange immediately shipment after receipt of your T/T or IRR L/C within 30 days . We assure timely shipments with guaranteed.
Quality : We ensure to supply the products with advanced technology , good quality and reliable performance . We are in a position to meet all types of quality and quantity requirements of our customers without any problem . You can have complete Peace of mind and full confidence while working with us , our main objective is customers satisfaction and we always provide to our customers like this .
We are serious in promoting long term business relationship with you and we are looking forward to your kind cooperation in this regard. Please try us for a trial order so that we can prove ourselves as a reliable source of quality of products from China .
We await your favorable reply at your very earliest .
Best regards from China !!!
Mr. Wang (General manager)
China Big Science & Technology Group Corporation
China Chongqing guangyu Motorcycle factory.
Tel : 86-23-67635008
E-mail : firstname.lastname@example.org