Tuesday, June 14, 2005

All I really want is cleanliness. It's not too much to ask.

I work for a 'big' company in Silicon Valley. That means I am stuck in an office for 8+ hours per day. I go to work, I do my best, I go home. But during those 8+ hours? I am still a human. A biological machine.

Yes, I HAVE to go to the bathroom at least once or twice per day. With all the budget cuts, the cleaning crew comes by randomly. Every other day? On weekends? I don't know.

We are all human. Everybody poops. Everybody HAS to poop.

So help me out here.

STOP PISSING all over the toilet. There are urinals. Use them. No skipper, you do not need to close the door, kick up the seat, and piss all over the porcelain. Just stop it. Cause someone is gonna have to clean it up enough to cop a squat there eventually.

We are all trapped in the same building for 8+ hours. Your mom does not work here. Do not make a mess.

And wash your hands when you are done. I really hate it when someone goes to the bathroom, then just walks out. I KNOW I am gonna have a meeting with you in 20 minutes And when you try to shake hands with me? There is a reason I am gonna turn away. I know you just pissed all over the toilet, shook twice and walked out. I can almost see the germs on your hands. Practice good hygiene

If you do use the sink? For cryin out loud, it's a sink, not the Splashtown Waterpark at Six Flags. Do not splash water everywhere. Those paper things? Use them to wipe up after yourself.


The best? The most treasured moments? When I walk into the bathroom, the seat is up, and the water is blue. Ah, the elusive 'blue water dump"! It means the cleaning crew just left. I am the first person to sit on the clean seat. I know there are no cooties, no pee, no one left an "Upper Decker". Oh, how I love the blue water dump.

To recap!

do not pee all over toilet
clean up when you splash the sink
I love the blue water dump

I share the same emotions about corporate toilets. I almost want to print out a page with "All employees must wash their hands" and stick it on the door. Also, whats the deal with taking 10 paper towels to clean a little water off your hand. Two will suffice for even the biggest hands I have seen. My other corporate toilet pet peeve? PLEASE don't pick up your phone when you're in the toilet. Especially if its my call. I neither want to hear your poop doing miserably at the dive competition nor do I want to hear the sound of your flush. and oh yes, I do NOT want to be the reason you had to juggle your phone around and end up peeing all over the goddamn floor.
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