Tuesday, October 11, 2005

once again, Sherry-Baby to the rescue! Snakes on a Plane!

she has the solution. I cannot breathe. WARNING. This is very funny, PLEASE clear all obstructions and fluids from your breathing areas before reading.

"Snakes on a Plane" cannot be real.

However, if it were, I'm certain that the screenplay would be written by Miss Lee's great grand-child. I can hear the movie preview now:

"What's worser than a snake flyin' up from yo wheels and gettin flung in yo backseat??????

Actually, this is a viable terrorist scheme. Snakes don't have metal and wouldn't show up too well on an x-ray. You could coil a snake up in a sack from a duty-free shop with a few bottles of Fendi perfume and everyone would assume it's a cheap belt.

Even if the slithery bastard hissed at airport security, it would be ignored because those rude-ass security guards get hissed at all the time. One East Texas copperhead could take out a couple of adults and cause the type of panic that could finally ruin our aviation industry.

Scary as this is, there are a few things that can be done to prevent snake bombs:

First, all commercial air flights must keep jam box, a CD of Barry White's "Can't get enough of your love," and a garden hoe on board. As we learned from the "Snake whacking day" episode of the Simpsons, snakes can be lured off-target by the bass sound of Barry White. A jihhadist snake could be easily lured towards the sound of Barry where it could then have it's head whacked off with the garden hoe.

Secondly, all plane cabins must be treated with Dr. T's "Snake-a-way." If the peanut remnants and caked baby vomit on the carpeting aren't enough, the snake-a-way will frighten any "Muslim extremist serpent of death" down into the luggage compartment. Likely, the snake will freeze to death before landing and won't be found until several hours later when a lady from Boca is unpacks her knock-off Louis Vuitton luggage.

I am very willing to put my law career on hold and assemble thousands of these anti-terrorist snake kits for the office of homeland security at the discount rate of $40,000 per kit.

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