Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A Catholic priest was manning a confession booth for several hours and wanted relief. He asked his friend the rabbi to fill in for him. When the rabbi said he had no experience, he asked the rabbi to stay with him in the booth and observe what he did. The rabbi obliged.

A man confessed that he committed adultery 3 times. The priest told him to say 2 hail marys and put $5 in the box. Next, a woman told the priest he committed adultery times. The priest repeated his instructions. The rabbi then said he knew what to do and could take over.

Afterwards, a different woman came around and confessed to the rabbi that she committed adultery.
The rabbi asked how many times.
The woman said she did it once.
The rabbi responded: "Do it 2 more times. We're having a special. Three for five dollars".


>>>>>


A Brooklynite tourist was strolling through Hong Kong when he spied a synagogue. He entered and, sure enough, he found a Chinese Rabbi and a Chinese congregation. Even though he spoke no Chinese, he was touched by the service.

The rabbi stood by the door greeting his congregants, When the Brooklynite shook the rabbi's hand, the rabbi asked, "You Jew?" The man answered "Yes"

The rabbi replied, "Funny, you don't look Jewish"!


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The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Chelm for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Chelm.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Chelm?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow from
Chelm?"

The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from
Chelm."


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