Saturday, June 16, 2007

Father's Day is tomorrow.

My dad is cool, quoted, and can beat up your dad/

well, he is quoted in a story in the paper, and if you jack with my dad, his grandson will come at you like a spider monkey.

all I want to do tomorrow is ride dirtbike. and? my throat is swelling. Damnit!

I think I am finally crashing from the work I spent the past 2 weeks going back and forth with my boss about employee rating and ranking. A special little thing my work does. I have to rank 17 of my full time direct reports. I do not have to add in the 3 'consultants' in Chennai

I have the best team I've had in years. It is very hard to say "He is one point better than He"

and of course, put it in a spreadsheet, justify it with comments, etc. etc.

THEN! oops, I was wrong, put it in PowerPoint slide set


and the worst part? I am gonna be "average" this time, I know it.

Why does it matter? your 'rank' determines your bonus, possible raises, etc. etc

did I mention I have a GREAT team. 17 wonderful people, all over the world, who all do about the same job.

Unpack the box
Install the equipment
Plug in the equipment
turn it on
train the engineer how to use it.
maintain it when the engineer breaks it.
pull it out, throw it away when it is obsolete.

They do this job VERY VERY well. Additionally, my team is the "go to" team for anything.
"Where can you get good bagels? - ask the lab team"
"Can someone setup this laptop for my kid? - ask the lab team"
"Who do we call because something is on fire in a cube? - ask the lab team"
"Where can you buy Sea Monkeys? - ask the lab team"

We seriously do it all.

how can I say one guy is less wonderful than the next?

Forced ranking sucks. Jack Welch is a philandering SOB who dumped his wife of 28 years to marry his mergers and acquisitions attorney (that only lasted 14 years) while managing GE with the same "whack the bottom 5%" approach.

Then, being interviewed for the Harvard Law Review, he met wife #3, (24 years his junior)who was interviewing him. Wife #3 had to quit her job in 2002 cause of the scandal. He formalized his divorce with wife #2 in 2003. Yes, that overlaps.

So this guy who has been through 3 marriages, has done more harm to the middle class than, say, Reaganomics, and now 'teaches business' at MIT, is the guiding force behind my company's HR policies.

I've spent the past 2 weeks figuring out stack ranking, instead of actually working.

My opinion? Stack ranking drives teams apart. If you want to win, you MUST SCREW your teammate. (in a bad way, not a Jack Welch affair way). Most people would rather DO their jobs well, efficiently and productively, than worry baout where they rank. If a major corporation cannot figure out who the slackers are? tey need help. BIG help.

And I am willing to do it. Hire me, let me consult. in 3 weeks, I can give you Nixon-esque lists of who needs to go, and why.

Hope you had a decent first Father's Day.
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