Monday, May 12, 2008

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
Irving Berlin

I'm superior, you're inferior.
I'm the big attraction, you're the small.
I'm the major one, you're the minor one,
I can beat you shootin', that's not all.

anything you can do, I can do better.
I can do any thing better than you.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can, yes I can.

anything you can be I can be greater.
soon er or lat er, I'm greater than you.
No, you're not.
Yes I am.
No you're not.
Yes I am.
No you're not.
Yes I am, yes I am.

I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge.
I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow.
I can do most anything.
Can you bake a pie?
No.
Neither can I.

anything you can sing I can sing louder.
I can sing anything louder than you.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can, yes I can.

anything you can buy, I can buy cheaper.
I can buy anything cheaper than you.
Fifty cents.
Forty cents.
Thirty cents.
Twenty cents.
No you can't.
Yes I can, yes I can.

anything you can dig, I can dig deeper.
I can dig anything deeper than you.
Thirty feet.
Forty feet.
Fifty feet.
Sixty feet.
No you can't.
Yes I can, yes I can.

I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker.
I can do it quicker and get even sicker.
I can live on bread and cheese.
And only on that?
Yes.
So can a rat.

anything you can reach, I can go higher.
I can sing anything higher than you.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can, yes I can.

anyone you can lick, I can lick faster.
I can lick anyone faster than you.
With your fist?
With my feet.
With your feet?
With an axe.
No you can't.
Yes I can, yes I can.

Any school where you went, I could be master.
I could be master much faster than you.
Can you spell.
No I can't.
Can you add.
No I can't.
Can you teach.
Yes I can, yes I can.

I could be a racer, quite a steeple chaser.
I can jump a hurdle even with my girdle.
I can open any safe.
With out being caught?
Yes.
That's what I thought.

any note you can hold I can hold longer.
I can hold any note longer than you.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can.
No you can't.
Yes I can, yes I can.



>>>>>>

which oddly begs a joke, which I will attempt to type with no profanity.

A man walks into a bar, and bets the bartender $100 he can sing from his backside.
"$100 you can sing out your backside? I've never heard that one" says the bartender.
he hits the register and puts a $100 bill on the bar.

the man climbs onto the bar, and removes his trousers.

He proceeds to walk up and down the bar defecating.

he defecates into people's drinks.
he defecates on the bar.
he defecates into the peanuts.
he defecates on people's checks.
he defecates on napkins
he walks up and down the bar defecating all over the place.

The bartender shouts "stop stop, what are you doing? You bet me you could sing out your backside"

the man says "Sir, even in her heydey, the late great Ethel Merman had to clear her throat before she sang"

Comments:
I see "Anything You can do" you "You're the Top" by Cole Porter



http://www.mtv.com/music/artist/porter_cole/731868/lyrics.jhtml

I especially like the verse "you're the pants on a roxy usher"
 
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